Getting out of detrimentalTuesday, October 27, 20205:23 AM

Getting out of detrimental

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

5:23 AM

I keep thinking negatively.

 

I have sinned though.

I went with the devils and their play or ruse for a long time.

 

God is Holy.

 

God is Love and He will not just condemn me and ditch me aside.

 

It is true that I have done wrong.

 

But Lord, you are my Light, my Strength and my Fortress as David proclaimed.

Lord, I find courage in Thy Word.

 

Jesus,

Lord Jesus,

Guide my path, Lord.

Let me hold onto Your Word.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

 

Lord Jesus,

So many of the bible verses rang true when I was under the devil.

Still there is some confusion, Lord Jesus.

But Lord, I would know whether the truth is in myself or not.

They were lies.

I have not the righteousness, the capability, or the good in me.

In me was found, wickedness, laziness, evil and all sorts of negative aspects of a human being.

No, Lord.

I am not you who was unrecognized by the hometown people because of their wickedness

But mom and dad did not acknowledge me because there was nothing to show for in me.

I was with the Evil One and they kept warning me against the Evil.

No, Lord Jesus.

Don't let me be confused.

Help me see and discern with the Word.

Let me not trust blinding my own self to signals and manifestations of evil and wrongs and taking for granted something to be right when it ought to trigger an alarm in me.

Help me discern what is right and wrong with what I know of you or read about you in your Word and by your Spirit.

Please do not let me get confused but let me see myself as I am, Lord.

Let me learn about you, Lord God.

Help me believe what is written in the Word about you.

Let me not be confused read into me the purity and spirituality and your gifts that is not in me.

 

Lord Jesus,

How do I be a Christian, Lord Jesus?

How do I be a true Christian, Lord Jesus?

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

Lord Jesus,

I am faulty and apt to make mistakes and be led into confusion.

Holy Spirit,

Please light my soul so that I may see.

Humble me always so that I may not fall into the snare of the Evil One gloating in my own personal shabby riches.

Lord God

Teach me in Thy Word.

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

I now can get nowhere by myself alone, Lord Jesus.

 

Lord Jesus,

I thought too much of myself.

Lord,

Use me as I am.

Help me see myself as I am, Lord

And not be thrown into confusion about my goodness that is but skin deep in actuality.

I am evil.

I am wicked.

But, Lord Jesus, with you, when I am with you,

I can be so good, so love, so righteous.

All this is Your Power and Love in me, Lord Jesus.

 

I can choose to follow you with My will.

I can choose you, Lord Jesus over the Devil.

 

I have chosen to believe in my righteousness without any firm proof.

 

And I saw the iniquities in my own self that is dark as Hell.

 

 

Help me, Lord Jesus,

To acquire the competency needed to do your works right and with love and that it will be well done in Your Sight and others who witness it and not discredit myself, Thee or those who love me and fend for me.

Help me face the truth and facts, Lord.

 

I seek Lord, the good for myself above everything perhaps, Lord.

Is this true?

How do I seek the to straighten myself and to do better without putting my good before Thy Will and Thy Glory?

I seek this so that I will straighten up consequentially and not fail perhaps, Lord.

 

Lord Jesus,

You know the fallacy of my logics and my thoughts.

Please fix them that I might be righted in you.

And that I may truly seek you.

 

Lord Jesus,

Is this also a fallacy?

 

I pray, Lord Jesus, that I might find a favor in your eyes and that I may prosper and do well?

Lord Jesus, Let it not be so.

Let me truly seek you.

If you will a stooped figure even with all my efforts then that is your will for me.

But I ought to have tried hard with all that I could muster.

And even yet you don't give me a straight figure, then let me not grow despondent that you are not with me but give me confidence that your will lies thus and that I should do my best with it.

Let me not consider it to be proof what is considered prospering in the world to be signs that Thou art truly with me, Lord Jesus.

 

 

Lord Jesus,

Please help me straighten up.

Please help me to prepare myself to be a good nurse and be independent.

I know that I need these.

I need to study, Lord.

I need to learn to do better work, Lord.

I need to be better observant, Lord.

 

Lord there is church council meeting at Greenwood today.

I feel I ought to go.

I haven't supported my church much and I feel I should be there.

Lord, but I do not wish to go against mother and father's concerns.

If it is your Will, please let mom and dad rethink it and allow me to go without taking offense.

 

Lord Jesus,

I always feel some hesitancy in me whenever I do or try to do something.

I feel it is a problem.

Let me be able to overcome this, Lord.

Please give me the confidence that I need to be myself and make decisions of my own reasonably and without hurting or offending others.

 

There are so many things I need to learn, Lord.

I need to learn to drive proficiently, Lord Jesus, as well.

 

Lord Jesus,

As I attempt and truly humble myself before you,

Please show me the way.

 

Lord Jesus,

If I confront more confusion,

As I bring them to you this way or to mom or dad or to some others, Please sort the confusion and lead me to Light.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

10:27am

 

I talked with mother.

 

She said that just think straightening up, studying and doing what I need to live on as long as I live for God is all doing God's Will. It is not something grand or big but even the little things of daily living is for God and I ought to give it my best and my all into it.

 

When I mentioned my dream about writing something that brings Light into the murk of human thought and mind and situation even., mother said rather than write to give hope as it could distort the truth, write down as it is, just like the bible writes as things were, so write it down as it is, that is the best way to bring the most needy message to those in need.

 

And about being affectionate.

It could very well be a problem for me.

That I should watch out and pray for discernment.

 

About psychiatric nursing or geriatric nursing, to pray about it.

She leaned towards psychiatric but then couldn't definitely say because I am so prone to be deceived and if I don't discern well I would definitely be swung about by the patients rather than do them good. And the devil, they would tempt me and I would fall into it like nothing. It may be that because of what I am going through that God is preparing me but to pray and leave it alone for now.

Mother said I definitely shouldn't be dating any of my patients or pursue any relationship with any of them.

 

I thank you for the answers, Lord.

 

I will try all the more to write as it is.

I won't aim towards psychiatric for now but

Focus on straightening up, studying, working and living with mom and dad.

 

Lord, I have these projects in my head, Lord.

Help me simplify and think of my eyes and focus on what I need to do rather than be all over the place.

But if it is something that I need to do then please lead me to it, Lord Jesus.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

10"48am

And about the church council.

There are too many corona cases around us.

Woodbridge, Jennifer and more.

We should be careful.

Shouldn't go.

 

If it was left upto me I would have gone.

God is giving me practice perhaps about saying no and not just go for affections.

That is when the talk about affections ensued and how wrong affection led to sin with father.

 

 

 

 

Prayer of Repentance

Psalm 51

51 Have mercy upon me, O God,

According to Your lovingkindness;

According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,

Blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

And cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,

And my sin is always before me.

4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,

And done this evil in Your sight—

That You may be found just [a]when You speak,

And blameless when You judge.

5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

And in sin my mother conceived me.

6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,

And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me hear joy and gladness,

That the bones You have broken may rejoice.

9 Hide Your face from my sins,

And blot out all my iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me away from Your presence,

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners shall be converted to You.

14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

The God of my salvation,

And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,

And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise.

18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;

Build the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,

With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;

Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.

 

From <https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+51&version=NKJV>

 

 

 

2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

1 Peter 5:7

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Deuteronomy 31: 6

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Deuteronomy 31:8

8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Hebrew 4:16

16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Hebrew 13: 5

5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Micah 7:7,8

7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

8 Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Matthew 28:20

20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Philippians 4:6=7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Psalm 73: 23-26

23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

Isaiah 41:10-13

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 11 “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. 12 Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. 13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

 

From <https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you/>

 

 

 

하나님,

Hate 로 조장되는 것과

옳지 않은 혹은 쓸데없는 정을 갖지 않는 것과는 어떤 차이가 있습니까?

예수님 이름으로 기도드립니다, 아멘.

 

내가 남에게 좌지 우지 되는 것

 

내 판단이 없는 것.

마귀가 나를 옳은 source로 부터 떼어내어놓으려 하는 것.

그 사람의 경력.

살아온 인생.

그 사람의 성격 혹은 성품

 

끌려다닌다.

 

 

나를 위한다

 

하나님을 위한다.

 

조심해야할 사람. 나를 위하는 척 하면서 자신을 챙기는 사람.

하나님이 우선이 아닌 사람.

 

 

그 사람이 하나님을 진심으로 위하는 지 어떻게 알까

 

아무도 알 수 없다.

하나님 밖에.

 

기도하는 수 밖에 없다.

 

나의 명철을 의지할 것이 아니라.

하나님의 인도하심을 바라라

 

하지만 내가 알아내고 찾아내고 궁리하고 노력해야 할 것은 노력해야 한다.

 

사람을 온전히 믿는 것.

어머니도 사람이기에 잘못하실 수가 있다.

하지만 하나님을 전심으로  따르려고 하신다.

믿을 수 있다.

잘못된 것은 얘기해 볼 수 있는 것이다.

이것이 신뢰이다.

하지만 어머니도 인간임을 잊지 말자.

 

하나님,

어머니와 저는 동역자 입니까

 

내 주관을 가지자.

 

하나님.

 

제 주관이 적절하게 형성될 수 있게 해주십시오.

하지만 제 주관을 하나님의 말씀 혹은 하나님보다 더 위에 놓게 마십시오.

 

 

 

예수님 이름으로 기도드립니다, 아멘.

 

하나님,

하나님의인도하심을믿습니다

예수님의 이름으로 기도드립니다, 아멘.

 

 

6:17pm

 

어머니께 아마도 정신과간호가 될 것 같다고 말씀드렸더니

어머니께서 모든 가능성은 항상 열어놓아야 한다고 말씀하셨다.

 

하나님,

하나님의 인도하심을 바랍니다.

주님을 생각합니다.

말씀에 나오신주님은

참 좋으신 분 이십니다.

주님은 참 좋으신 분이십니다.

 

제가 assessment 그리고 상황판단력이 많이 약합니다.

주여,

적절한 감각파악력 해석력 그리고 상황판단력을 허락하여 주십시오.

 

주님,

주님과 친분을 쌓게 해주십시오.

 

예수님 이름으로 기도드립니다, 아멘.

 

10:03pm

 

I finished watching Season 3 of Call the Midwife.

 

The chickens are going out tomorrow.

 

 

I prayed downstairs and brought the laundry up.

 

 

It will be a new day tomorrow!

 

 

I feel grown up for a change and ready to embark on my new life!

I feel I will be.

How hard will it be….!

 

Mentally? Physically?

Or both.

 

 

Lord God.

Let me love with a depth of heart to satisfy Thee at least a little with both my mind and body, Lord Jesus.

 

Please keep mom and dad safe, in faith and happy, Lord God.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.